You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
