PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
