is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
