so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
