Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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