I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
