I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
