My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
