why im i the only drunk person in the library?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
