I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
