happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
