I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
