Got a toothbrush?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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