she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
