He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
