I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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