Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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