we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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