They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
