The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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