Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just pee around me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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