Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
