just come out here and I will go home with you...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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