I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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