If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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