It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
