he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
