i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
