Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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