I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
