ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize