I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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