just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
