I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
