Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need a beard to bite.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
