I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
