Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
