My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
