I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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