I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
