On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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