wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
