ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
