My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
