ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
