ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
