1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
