Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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