sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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