I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
