who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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