at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
