I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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