I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
