so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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