i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
