he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
