med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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