No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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