ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
