Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
