If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
