dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Randomize
