i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
