i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
