1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my vagina is haunted
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
