wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
